"Come on kid, everyone wants to write for Ya MaMa. Everyone dreams of entering the history books with their name up in lights above the hallowed halls of Spanksville. But it's just that, kid, a dream, a fantasy. Do you have any idea what you are trying to do? Damn your impudence boy!

"You really think that you can come in here, kneel before the throne of the Queen of Submissions, and suggest that you are good enough to ride with the best? I should whip your cheeky little hide. I should stamp out your misplaced pride. You taking me for a goddamn ride?

"Well okay then, don't say I didn't warn you. Send your entry to us using the EMAIL ADDRESS below; but be aware that once you submit it, your piece belongs to Ya MaMa to use as she please. You can write about anyone or anything but don't make it crass or gratuitously offensive or we will show you how to be rude with style…

"Seriously, kid, all the best. I hope you make it. I hope you float to the top of all the illiterate dross and that the Queen smiles upon you. It's time to sink or swim, kid, and I ain't giving you any rubber rings."

Ultimately it is our intention to present you with a mechanism to allow you to produce fully formatted submissions via this page, but for the time being if you have anything you would like to submit to our editor for publication, be it satire or serious please send it to our Submissions Administrator.