Dragon : Eh? Don't tell me someone actually agreed to being interviewed by us?

Salem : Erm, well no, not it so many words. However I have managed to secure (and believe me that's the right word) an interview slot with none other than our esteemed leader the Jak-L.

Dragon : Ok mate, what have you done to him?

Salem : Me? Nothing at all mate, perish the thought. I wouldn't harm a hair on his head. That's what pay my goons for. Anyway, he's in the cupboard under the sink bud, can you go fetch him?

Dragon : Its always the same with you isn't it? You can't help yourself can you. You really shouldn't do th.... erm, why have you put insulation tape over his mouth and earplugs up his nose?

Salem : Come on mate, this is supposed to be a serious interview, you've seen the news page. If we actually let him do any talking all we will get is a 20 minute dialog on spanking, spanking sticks, the good ship spankster and anything else that he can attach the word spank to. That's hardly going to encourage people to read the column next week is it?

Dragon : Point taken, but shouldn't the earplugs be in his ears. You realise that he heard everything you just said about him, there'll be hell to pay over that.

Salem : Don't be ridiculous, if I put earplugs in his ears he'll suffocate!

Dragon : He's not exactly going to be able to breath through his ears is he?

Salem : Don't be so sure, I took the liberty of perforating both of his eardrums. He should be just fine. Besides its bringing colour to his cheeks.

Dragon : I'm not sure that plum purple is an entirely natural colour for a person to be. Anyway, that explains the tape and the earplugs, but why in gods name did you stick those day glo green wellies on him?

Salem : I didn't, he was wearing those when the lads snatched him. From what I have been told they were the grand prize Mama received when we won the Wireplay season 2, division 2, 6 vs. 6 league back in '99. Apparently he hasn't taken them off since.

Dragon : Typical, they should have been shared between the team and he kept them to himself.

Salem : Not to worry, all of the other prizes that we have won have been donated to charity and the fellas in the team didn't mind him having them.

Dragon : How gracious of them, anyway lets get on with this. We're not getting paid by the hour, or at all for that matter. Now we have an interviewee lets interview him. Go on then, ask him a question.