As if her playing skills, the Spank-a-torium, Spanksville and the Kitchen weren't enough, Ya MaMa is proud to share her fondness for columns with you lucky sods. HOT off the Dockyards press, written by the greatest collection of talent Spanksville has to offer, and laced with Ya MaMa's own special brand of wit, a spanking new mini-masterpiece will regularly appear under each of the links on the left, to keep you entering Ya MaMa's domain again and again.

The Weekly Column is the creation of an insane genius. Known as Bertie-Boy to some, and Mr.G0d to others, Ya MaMa's favourite veteran bemoans the shortcomings of age with the help of our resident gUrU Salem. He may be going senile and he may be a little warped, but he can still teach you a thing or two about your HMG, so lissen up!

N00bie Hell is the love child of our certified newbie specialist. With the selfless generosity suggested by his moniker, the Saint offers a helping hand to all those struggling to earn their first frag. And he promises to include as little sarcasm or piss-taking as he possibly can.

Team Props is without doubt the most sickening column we could have dreamt up. I'm not sure whose twisted idea it was, but I suspect it was Ya Mama's heart of gold shining through her leather exterior. It is a place in which each rider gets a hearty pat on the back and a congratulatory hug from Ya Mama for showing her their various skills. I haven't been in there yet personally, but I have heard that being spoilt by Ya Mama for a whole week is as tiring as it sounds.

If you are wondering from whence the sounds of giggling hysteria and sides splitting are emanating, I suggest you take a peek in the Humor Zone. Inside, you can laugh at the cream of Ya Mama's gags, and if you feel particularly courageous, brave some of The Jak-l's deadpan wit. Be warned, prolonged exposure to such comedy may cause feelings of intense happiness.